“Oh Lord, You have searched me— and you know me.” –Psalm 139:1
Maybe this is what it looks like when God searches someone?
This is just one sentence and very few words, yet the implications of this one sentence are huge. What this sentence says about God is astounding. This psalm begins by telling us that the nature of our God is not passive. He does not sit on the sidelines and watch the story unfold. He doesn’t create with His hands and then let go to see what happens. He is active in His zeal for His people and is intimately acquainted with those whom He has created.
Out of the entire universe, God has searched me. The maker of all that is and ever was is not just aware of me. He isn’t just aware that humans exist. He has looked down from wherever He resides and found me. He didn’t just glance either. He didn’t do a cursory inspection. He thoroughly examined every part of my life.
It says in this passage that God has searched us so completely that He knows us, and the next few verses will tell us just how deeply.
This is a God who knows His people even better than they know themselves.
I cannot begin to tell you how comforting that is. I don’t know about you, but I struggle to truly know myself. Half of the time, I can’t even tell you why I’m feeling the way I am. I question my motives, I don’t understand my desires. I don’t know why the thoughts that come to my head show up there or where they came from. I wonder, as the Apostle Paul did, why I do the things I don’t want to do.
There is an ocean in my soul separating who I am from who I want to be, and I’m sure there’s an even bigger chasm between who I think I am and who I truly am. But God knows not only who I am in reality, not only who I think I am, and not just who I want to be. He knows all of those more intimately than I do, but He also knows who He created me to be.
He doesn’t question my motives because He knows them completely. He doesn’t have to ask why I do things I don’t want to do, because He knows that. He’s the only being in all of creation that truly “gets” me. Sometimes when I can’t put my feelings into words, it helps to know that my Father in Heaven knows and understands those feelings.
It begs the question, why would God have any desire to search someone so completely, and the only conclusion I can come to I don’t understand. The only reason someone would search the depths of another’s soul and would want to know everything about them is because they love them.
The Creator of the universe loves me that much… and when I think that, I crumble. I can’t take the gravity of such a thought. I don’t see anything in me that is worthy even of the love of another human being, let alone my maker. I have dark places and if God knows me completely, He knows where each of those places are. And somehow, in spite of shining a huge light into that darkness, He still loves me? I can’t grasp that kind of love.
How did God able to find you within the dark and the crowd? Simple–it’s because you’re already shinning way before God shines on you.
You don’t know you’re shinning because you’ve been on the darkness, and that darkness makes you assume that these moments are the ones that push you to search for a brighter light.
His shine is an encouragement to you. He’s telling you to keep shining.
It is these questions of why you are worthy of His shine makes you worthy for His love. And it is also these dark moments that make you shine and worthy for His search. He knows that you’ll be and going to share His shine to others. You have been and will continue to be His steward. That is why you’re able to get this site up.
Can you actually go to a church confidently with no any guilt holding you back to look at Him in the eye? If no, then you shouldn’t be questioning why you are worthy for His search. I can’t recently. So what exactly makes you think that you’re not worthy?
Many people acquired knowledge in different degrees. But there’re only a few who are able to realize that knowledge is nothing if it doesn’t confide with love and care. You know this, which is your another reason that makes you shine.
You are humble, which makes Him think that He needs to give you more encouragement. He knows that you’re always up for a challenge and don’t really settle. He is telling you that your humbleness will take you far.
Funny how most people got out of their humbleness after they thought of this. Will you get out of your humbleness too? If you say ‘no’ now, that means you you’re not aware of yourself that much. But if you hesitated, then you will much wouldn’t.
I used to say otherwise to myself, yet I got out of it more than three times due to misinterpretations and tougher stages as I grow. You shouldn’t be misinterpreting any of this, it is just as simple as memorizing without trying to analyze it for deeper understanding, yet it is more than twice harder not to.
I’m having a very bad karma at the moment. I know that I’ve failed another test. Anything is better than losing touch with oneself; only guilt and regret are tragical than death tri-fold.
I was so cold-blooded and immature, when will I ever grow up? Pride can kill oneself really hard, yet I’m still not able to distinguish what is too much from just about and when to move its degree with regards to situations.
P.S. Your moments are not dark if they are stably making you shine away from them, but only dark when you choose to darken other people’s soul because of them.