Uncle Luther's Porch » signs http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com There's more to Christ than Christianity Sun, 20 Nov 2011 03:35:00 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com http://www.badasschristians.com/favicon.ico Uncle Luther's Porch Church Signs We’d Like to See http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com/church-signs-wed-like-to-see http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com/church-signs-wed-like-to-see#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2009 05:10:00 +0000 Uncle Luther http://first-hand.org/realfaith/church-signs-wed-like-to-see As promised… If you’re going to do a church sign, do it right.

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]]> http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com/church-signs-wed-like-to-see/feed 0 Church Sign Theology http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com/church-sign-theology http://uncleluther.badasschristians.com/church-sign-theology#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 04:55:00 +0000 Uncle Luther http://first-hand.org/realfaith/church-sign-theology They’re cute, they’re hokey, some of them may be true… but being that church signs with clever messages by the side of the road are the only contact most people have with the church, I wonder what our signs might make others think about our beliefs. Let’s have a quick look at what our signs might say about our theology.

How will you spend eternity—Smoking or Non?
So, the church is like a restaurant, and God is like a waiter… Wait, let me try to understand. You believe people will burn for all of eternity and you’re going to make a joke about it? Cheap shot = cheap faith.

Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives
So, everyone who reads their Bible regularly will not have a dirty life? The names Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard and Jim Bakker come to mind.

If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.
Yeah. That’ll fix everything. Because the church is full of people who have no problems and aren’t the least bit neurotic.

Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.
So, I can just go into church, get my God-fix and then go on about my life until I need a boost again? Ok. Does Jesus sell slushies and moon pies, too?

If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
Yes! Prayer is the cure for a sleepless night. I can put down my sleeping pills for good. All I need to do is have enough faith and I can sleep peacefully.

Try Jesus. If you don’t like him the devil will always take you back.
This is like a test drive, right? Does that mean once I get in there you’re going to try to sell me a lemon? Because that’s what they do at car dealerships.

God is like Coke. He’s the Real Thing.
The creator of the universe is borrowing a slogan?

Santa didn’t die for sins.
Yeah. Because Jesus and Santa are in direct competition with each other.

God placed his greatest gift on the tree not under it.
Giving gifts and celebrating Christmas is wrong folks. And this church is going to judge you for it.

Reason is the greatest enemy faith has.
Wow. You really do want people to shelve their brains in order to believe. Throw all reason out the window, and just trust what Pastor Bob has to say.

I want to be your BFF. Love, God.
God wants a superficial friendship that won’t actually last forever because graduation day is coming soon? And if he’s my BFF, how can he be your BFF too?

The Bible is your best T.V. Guide.
I knew television was evil! And God must not want us to relax. Ever!

And coming this weekend… Church Signs We’d Like to See.

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