Looking to start a new church or grow your mega-church? Do you feel your sermons aren’t tired enough, cliche’d enough or stale enough? Do you just need a break from sermon-writing? If any of this describes you, then Uncle Luther’s Boilerplate Pop-Christian Sermon template is just what you need to have church like the stars. Simply follow the template below for an awe-inspiring sermon that will be a blessing to both your congregation and your free time.
Scripture Reading: Try not to pick anything your congregation isn’t already familiar with. We recommend Jeremiah 29:11.
Sermon:
Step 1: Start by making small talk with your congregation. Keep it light, make a few jokes. Don’t forget to stay relevant by mentioning your newly acquired Starbucks addiction.
Step 2: Tell a story from your most recent trip on an airplane. The story doesn’t have to make sense to your congregation, it just needs to relate somehow in your mind.
Step 3: Pick a point so obscure from the day’s Scripture that it is almost irrelevant. Then, inform your audience that this was just an introduction to a three-part series that you will flesh out over the next few weeks.
Step 4: Drive home your point by re-telling an inspirational nugget you received in a forwarded e-mail that is new to you, but has been going around the Internet for ten years. Pass it off as your own.
Step 5: Issue a challenge to your congregation. This will make both you and your audience feel a sense of accomplishment. It will also provide a great opening question for the start of next week’s sermon.